change is coming

The change is coming. My change is coming. I can feel the medicine starting to work. My body is feeling at ease with the world. I am not feeling a sense of anger, frustration, out of control and even saddness. I was rapid cycling over the past few days and I could feel it. But I was able to control it. I could feel my blood turning HOT but had a sense of coolness to it. The medicine is finally working. I have been on 20mg of Abilify for about 2 weeks now and I feel "Normal".

I love the fact that I can get my hopes up. That I have survived a rapid cycle.

Now as I continue to crash on down, lets see if the Lamictal works for that. This is the part that I hate. The not being able to get myself out of bed. The complete and total sadness with extreme crying at the drop of a hat. The overwhelming sensation of failure. The inability to function. To just want to sleep all day! How do I survive this? I will, I have to for myself. I have been doing this for 35 years with no medication it has to be easier.

My downward spiral only last for about 3 days. My house won't be cleaned, my laundry won't be done. The PJ's won't come off and the TV will be on ALL day. If this is the worst to happen then so be it.

Let's see if I have finally found the right meds. Let's see if I can survive this. Let's see if this is one small issue for such a giant problem.

I can handle it and I will.